So... I know it's completely normal to be shedding a few pre-grad tears in the weeks before my daughters graduation . Still, I feel a little guilty doing it... after all..it's a time to celebrate ,right? And it is, of course so amazingly surreal to be headed to the empty nest as my only child is headed off in this incredible adventure, BUT does it have to happen in the parking lot at Target? AND as I am driving down Martin Luther king Dr. after dropping her off @school? YES, there were the few expected Prom tears as I watched these diverse and wise young Montessori children who have blossomed this year with such confidence into people who will take on the world! ( and the side note of how the all looked elegant enough for the red carpet!!)...
AND the joyous ones as she went the Indians game last night with her senior class, and was shocked\appalled when the batter broke a Louisville Slugger bat ! ..Such love and pride she has for both her cities and her school and the broader world. So proud she is (as are we!) in her alternative approach to education... and her sheer determination to succeed her way...in "formal education'" or otherwise.. the journey has been triumphant... and shall continue on.... OK,teary just writing this...and smiling @ the same time!!
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
30 days...The nervous Anticipation Begins...
So. Here we are. Much emotion in this final month before my only child ends her high school career. Holding back on the tears for now, and trying to focus on all the joy and what we are grateful for is honestly a struggle today. I have just lit four candles for our friends in South Dakota, he in the last days of his heroic struggle with cancer, his wife and daughters (one who will also graduate in a few short weeks)..are so much weaved into our thoughts this week.We are franticaly trying to tie up loose ends. Katrina's last IB test done. Several class projects done. My mom (who has been staying with us while recovering) is headed home for a few days to plant her garden. Keith takes his last final for his certificate in Sustainability @ Baldwin Wallace tonight. Sure signs of growth, and health and Spring!
I am trying to spend time making grad presents ,lots of them.. and planning for proms, and our church bridging ceremony, and many other celebrations.. Each small step in this process gives me a pause for reflection. ... Memories flood in and will fuel my joy and creativity...
It certainly has been and will be .. a month of tremendous joys and concerns....
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Is it "OUR Year"???
....So... How is it suddenly ONLY 109 DAYS until Graduation???
Honestly, it was probably good that we were forced emotionally to stop counting in the months of December/January. As many of you know, these were horrible months in our household and I became too frozen to continue this blog. However, as in any period of high stress, life eventually becomes calmer. My mantra through it all was, 2013 could be "our year"...over & over till I began to believe it!
And actually, it HAS.. Keith got a job! The school stuff drastically improved. Katrina received acceptance to Drew University--which is another awesome fit for her learning style. And we started to see some shape to our next year.
I sat here yesterday, knowing I wanted to finish this blog post before the news comes from Sara Lawrence, Katrina's #1 choice for college... which could literally be any moment now. I wanted to capture that moment right before finding out big , life altering news that will come one way or the other. I described it to another theater mom today as the moment when you have auditioned for several parts at once, knowing which one you are most suited for and desire, yet the decision is in someone else's control. But, this time the result of this seeming "random " ( But NOT) decision changes the course of your world, not for a few months.. but for 4 years. That slight stretch of being in limbo but having to go about your day to day actions, while all the while gearing up in your head for a big change is jarring. This for even the most patient of souls which we are not. One would think , after over 45 shows- YES's and countless more NO audtions .. we would have this acceptance/rejection thing down to a science, but it is actually quite the contrary. I am always proud of how my daughter puts herself out there, shows her vulnerability and bravely seizes these opportunities. Despite, today's words of wisdom from many to not put "all our eggs in one basket". I am going to have to sit back today and breathe deep,confident in the reasons Katrina chose to go Early Decision and "trust the process" .
Driving Katrina to school has seemed a privilege this week, one that Keith and I have secretly jockeyed for lately. She laughs @ me and catches my tearful eye as we head up into University Circle, " Mom! DON'T START.".. "OK." I lie and wait the few moments until she gets out of the car.
Honestly, it was probably good that we were forced emotionally to stop counting in the months of December/January. As many of you know, these were horrible months in our household and I became too frozen to continue this blog. However, as in any period of high stress, life eventually becomes calmer. My mantra through it all was, 2013 could be "our year"...over & over till I began to believe it!
And actually, it HAS.. Keith got a job! The school stuff drastically improved. Katrina received acceptance to Drew University--which is another awesome fit for her learning style. And we started to see some shape to our next year.
I sat here yesterday, knowing I wanted to finish this blog post before the news comes from Sara Lawrence, Katrina's #1 choice for college... which could literally be any moment now. I wanted to capture that moment right before finding out big , life altering news that will come one way or the other. I described it to another theater mom today as the moment when you have auditioned for several parts at once, knowing which one you are most suited for and desire, yet the decision is in someone else's control. But, this time the result of this seeming "random " ( But NOT) decision changes the course of your world, not for a few months.. but for 4 years. That slight stretch of being in limbo but having to go about your day to day actions, while all the while gearing up in your head for a big change is jarring. This for even the most patient of souls which we are not. One would think , after over 45 shows- YES's and countless more NO audtions .. we would have this acceptance/rejection thing down to a science, but it is actually quite the contrary. I am always proud of how my daughter puts herself out there, shows her vulnerability and bravely seizes these opportunities. Despite, today's words of wisdom from many to not put "all our eggs in one basket". I am going to have to sit back today and breathe deep,confident in the reasons Katrina chose to go Early Decision and "trust the process" .
Driving Katrina to school has seemed a privilege this week, one that Keith and I have secretly jockeyed for lately. She laughs @ me and catches my tearful eye as we head up into University Circle, " Mom! DON'T START.".. "OK." I lie and wait the few moments until she gets out of the car.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
5...4 3... 2...1....SENIORS!!!
..Earlier this summer in Louisville, I had a chance to visit my friend Jill for the first time in over two years. She was at home, recovering from a broken kneecap and a captive audience for the type of educational chatter we had always loved.
I entered her home and for several minutes entertained myself looking around her stylish living room, recalling the many times previous visiting there. She was occupied on the phone and kept apologizing for the phone call that was taking way too long......
She hung the phone up, stared at me for a moment and simply said . "SENIORS."
"I know,right?" ,was all I could say...
In that moment, we were back, to meeting when our kids were just kindergarteners . We didn't delve to deep into how we are feeling..yet...After all there was a ton of catching up to do and stories to tell. This seemed easier, safer in many ways then going into the depth of emotion for so many of us, in that word. I left there later that day and drove the all too familiar drive back to Cleveland replaying all the conversations from my visit. This even included my favorite comment of the weekend, from one SENIOR (a lifelong friend of Katrina's) when I asked where she was applying to college, " I will be keeping that a secret...It's less stressful that way..." ... I laughed and glanced back in the rear-view mirror just in time to see her grin. I then selfishly requested that she make it within one hour of Katrina's college..She said she would see what she could do...Ha!! :}
As the countdown to first day of Senior Year continues, I can't help but notice the differences in what we are conversing about in our family . We are trying to schedule the last of the college visits, fill out Common Ap, , search for scholarships, look at timelines for school projects with an eye to the future... so much to do..but there's time , right? still lots of time right?? Some days I am just fine with the process.. and there are moments..just a few..where my eyes tear up.....I guess that's what friends, past and present are for ,right? They're guides through these days we aren't sure we want to count...
I entered her home and for several minutes entertained myself looking around her stylish living room, recalling the many times previous visiting there. She was occupied on the phone and kept apologizing for the phone call that was taking way too long......
She hung the phone up, stared at me for a moment and simply said . "SENIORS."
"I know,right?" ,was all I could say...
In that moment, we were back, to meeting when our kids were just kindergarteners . We didn't delve to deep into how we are feeling..yet...After all there was a ton of catching up to do and stories to tell. This seemed easier, safer in many ways then going into the depth of emotion for so many of us, in that word. I left there later that day and drove the all too familiar drive back to Cleveland replaying all the conversations from my visit. This even included my favorite comment of the weekend, from one SENIOR (a lifelong friend of Katrina's) when I asked where she was applying to college, " I will be keeping that a secret...It's less stressful that way..." ... I laughed and glanced back in the rear-view mirror just in time to see her grin. I then selfishly requested that she make it within one hour of Katrina's college..She said she would see what she could do...Ha!! :}
As the countdown to first day of Senior Year continues, I can't help but notice the differences in what we are conversing about in our family . We are trying to schedule the last of the college visits, fill out Common Ap, , search for scholarships, look at timelines for school projects with an eye to the future... so much to do..but there's time , right? still lots of time right?? Some days I am just fine with the process.. and there are moments..just a few..where my eyes tear up.....I guess that's what friends, past and present are for ,right? They're guides through these days we aren't sure we want to count...
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Vacation Preparation @ our House
No longer worried about how to squeeze carseat, pack-in-play and strollers into the vehicle, we pack differently, bring more or less baggage to the table. Literally and figuratively we have never been the ones to pack light.... Often accused by many of over-packing, we have always been the ones to prepare by thinking ahead to what "could" happen.
And the conversations have changed ..no longer consumed with chatter about how we are raising them, there seems to be to be endless talk with friends and family about what they will do now...
I am realizing that we have packed, unpacked and taken the last of these type vacations before Katrina leaves for college. This means life suddenly begins to move a little more quickly that we are ready for...and 335 days may seem endless but daunting!!
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Holidays and The Only Child
.. We spent Father's day with my inlaws as per usual. What was unusual was not one of my father-in-law's biological children were in attendance. When I casually mentioned it to Lowell, he said, "Oh that's true." noticing it for the first time and in prompt parental fashion defended there whereabouts. Keith had golfed with him earlier in the week, Margo and Bruce had called and are on their way in later this week for the anniversary...all is good there. My point being the spattering of daughter-in law's and grandchildren held joy in after all what is just one day in a very family -filled summer.
In fast forward motion, I realize that only too soon there will be everydays and holidays without my only child in attendance. We have bestowed a sense of priority for the special occasions of those around us, not always successful..but the heart is there.
So, when the day comes and the phone rings and Katrina says, " Mom, will you mind if I go home with....... for Thanksgiving?' will I be able to be able to bite my homesick tongue and be "Ok " celebrating without her or at best an "alternative holiday"? Sharing, that skill aptly learned as a pre-schooler is one we are reminded of many times in the next year as parents.
From college applications, interviews and auditions, I begin to contemplate all the ways in which we will be "sharing" our girl and her accomplishments with tons of new people this year . She has a truly unique set of experiences that will serve her well as the stepping stones to her version of "success".
In fast forward motion, I realize that only too soon there will be everydays and holidays without my only child in attendance. We have bestowed a sense of priority for the special occasions of those around us, not always successful..but the heart is there.
So, when the day comes and the phone rings and Katrina says, " Mom, will you mind if I go home with....... for Thanksgiving?' will I be able to be able to bite my homesick tongue and be "Ok " celebrating without her or at best an "alternative holiday"? Sharing, that skill aptly learned as a pre-schooler is one we are reminded of many times in the next year as parents.
From college applications, interviews and auditions, I begin to contemplate all the ways in which we will be "sharing" our girl and her accomplishments with tons of new people this year . She has a truly unique set of experiences that will serve her well as the stepping stones to her version of "success".
Friday, June 15, 2012
The Journey Begins...
...So, I have promised Katrina I will not remind her of this imminent countdown out loud. she says that will annoy her. (btw---it is 359 days! -- I hope that is not as "annoying " in print...)
It got me thinking as to why I become so date & time oriented on these kind of events when to know me, is to know I am a incredible procrastinator. Yet, I have this fascination with planning ahead. I become very detail-oriented when I first can see the big picture.
Today... on a quiet summer morning here , I can't help but be reflective... I am working on a project for my in-laws 50th Anniversary. This has led me to plowing through years of boxes of disheveled photos, seemingly afterthoughts of the past. Yet, I look at each within the moment it was taken and marvel how significant it was then and now. I begin to ponder what projects could be taken on with these photos for graduation and the glimmer of excitement for that creative process begins..
I will put aside the picture of three year old Katrina entering Friends School for the first time, in awe of how that choice, as well as many others since, were the forks in the road we were glad we took.
Now, comes the time to be in awe of my daughter. Her awesome ability to know her learning style and keen awareness of how to advocate for herself will be the driving forces this year. I am simply along for the ride!! (OH, that is if I she can arise before NOON this summer! HA!)
It got me thinking as to why I become so date & time oriented on these kind of events when to know me, is to know I am a incredible procrastinator. Yet, I have this fascination with planning ahead. I become very detail-oriented when I first can see the big picture.
Today... on a quiet summer morning here , I can't help but be reflective... I am working on a project for my in-laws 50th Anniversary. This has led me to plowing through years of boxes of disheveled photos, seemingly afterthoughts of the past. Yet, I look at each within the moment it was taken and marvel how significant it was then and now. I begin to ponder what projects could be taken on with these photos for graduation and the glimmer of excitement for that creative process begins..
I will put aside the picture of three year old Katrina entering Friends School for the first time, in awe of how that choice, as well as many others since, were the forks in the road we were glad we took.
Now, comes the time to be in awe of my daughter. Her awesome ability to know her learning style and keen awareness of how to advocate for herself will be the driving forces this year. I am simply along for the ride!! (OH, that is if I she can arise before NOON this summer! HA!)
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